Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
