Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
