Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
