this boner is exhausting
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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