wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
