Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
