It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
