i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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