well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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