She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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