If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
