Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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