I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
