i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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