Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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