I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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