Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
