Duck Duck Cougar?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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