i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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