Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
