There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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