Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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