Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
