I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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