Im at strip club and am horny
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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