Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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