I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
