So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
