You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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