I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
