the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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