I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
