i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
