instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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