i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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