what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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