How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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