That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
