@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
