Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Help me help you realize you are a moron
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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