@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
