Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
