I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize