I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
