You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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