hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
