Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
