I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
