Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize