And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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