3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
