I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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