i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
