i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
