A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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