I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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