the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize