She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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