There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
