we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
