I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
