plz talk dirty to me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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