he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
