I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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