You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
