i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
