hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if only i could text you this smell
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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