4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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