just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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