So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
