yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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