she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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