I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
