is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
