oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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