Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
