I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize