i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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