Me. At least after what I've been through.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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