And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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