Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
