I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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