White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
