I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
