So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
