Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
