Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
